She got defensive too easily. Jumped too soon and asked questions later, if at all. She thought she knew better and assumed the worst about how others reacted. So worried she'd be pushed away, that she pushed first.
He was in danger of pushing her away. He was in danger of it working. The darkness he saw inside her, the power... was it any different from Ben's? Or his own? Could he truly risk another mistake like that which had created Kylo Ren? Had he not pushed Ben until he broke, creating the exact future he'd feared? By leaving, he had thought to end the cycle. But he hadn't. He'd left a gap, an imbalance in the Force that it would fill in any way it could. And this girl... she'd found him.
He could no more walk away from her than he could leave a thermal detonator armed. He'd set it, years ago.
"Do you ever think about these things before trying them?" he demanded. "Did you even consider the consequences? Or were you too afraid I'd say no?" He raised a hand, as if to forestall her reply. Or, perhaps, offer some concession. "I'm just trying to get you to think before you act, Rey. I've never seen anyone with the kind of instinctive facility you have. So I'd hesitate to say anything was impossible. I simply want you to learn to stop and think before you attempt the impossible. This isn't a game, and it's not a toy."
It wasn't. But, he realized, he could no longer afford to treat her like a child. He'd tried that before, with Ben, and his school. And it only led, he was just now understanding, to rebellion. Keeping them at arm's length, never letting them in... isn't that what his masters had done? And had he not chafed under their restrictions? He could say that he had not fallen, but could he say that had been because of their teachings?
And could he truly say that he had not lost everything because of one moment of darkness?
Old habits were hard to break. But it was dawning on him that this student was not like the others, and he could not treat her like the others lest she end up like them. He took a deep breath, and nodded, as if to himself.
"Come with me," he said, and started off up a path that wound along the cliffs .
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He was in danger of pushing her away. He was in danger of it working. The darkness he saw inside her, the power... was it any different from Ben's? Or his own? Could he truly risk another mistake like that which had created Kylo Ren? Had he not pushed Ben until he broke, creating the exact future he'd feared? By leaving, he had thought to end the cycle. But he hadn't. He'd left a gap, an imbalance in the Force that it would fill in any way it could. And this girl... she'd found him.
He could no more walk away from her than he could leave a thermal detonator armed. He'd set it, years ago.
"Do you ever think about these things before trying them?" he demanded. "Did you even consider the consequences? Or were you too afraid I'd say no?" He raised a hand, as if to forestall her reply. Or, perhaps, offer some concession. "I'm just trying to get you to think before you act, Rey. I've never seen anyone with the kind of instinctive facility you have. So I'd hesitate to say anything was impossible. I simply want you to learn to stop and think before you attempt the impossible. This isn't a game, and it's not a toy."
It wasn't. But, he realized, he could no longer afford to treat her like a child. He'd tried that before, with Ben, and his school. And it only led, he was just now understanding, to rebellion. Keeping them at arm's length, never letting them in... isn't that what his masters had done? And had he not chafed under their restrictions? He could say that he had not fallen, but could he say that had been because of their teachings?
And could he truly say that he had not lost everything because of one moment of darkness?
Old habits were hard to break. But it was dawning on him that this student was not like the others, and he could not treat her like the others lest she end up like them. He took a deep breath, and nodded, as if to himself.
"Come with me," he said, and started off up a path that wound along the cliffs .