She didn't run. And she was trying not to cry. And both things made him feel like a monster, and like he needed to protect her from people like himself. Like himself. This wasn't him, he felt sure of that, but he was equally certain that he was losing his grasp of who he was.
He'd come here to literally be no one, so that was kind of the point. Why did it, now, hurt so much? Why, if he was trying to chase her away, did he feel so bad at having almost succeeded?
Instinctively, unconsciously, he reached out. The link between them, forged earlier, had not truly been severed, and something inside him had grasped on with both hands. Now, in his need to prove to her that she had everything backwards, something wormed its way past his shields, even as he shook his head, shaken.
alone afraid so much like me so much like BEN save yourself don't leave not worthy don't ruin her you don't deserve this you don't deserve ANYTHING why aren't you dead yet why can't you remember how to talk to people Not in words, exactly, but the trickle of conflicted emotion increased in volume.
"You don't understand," he said hoarsely. "I came here to die. I came here so that no one would else end up like Ben--or like me. I came here so I couldn't hurt people like you." He tilted his head. "But I have, haven't I? You don't get it."
He turned, pacing along the wall of the hut, just to have something to do, some distance.
"I'm pushing you away because no good can come of you emulating me. I'm pushing you away because I am the one I can't forgive."
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He'd come here to literally be no one, so that was kind of the point. Why did it, now, hurt so much? Why, if he was trying to chase her away, did he feel so bad at having almost succeeded?
Instinctively, unconsciously, he reached out. The link between them, forged earlier, had not truly been severed, and something inside him had grasped on with both hands. Now, in his need to prove to her that she had everything backwards, something wormed its way past his shields, even as he shook his head, shaken.
alone afraid so much like me so much like BEN save yourself don't leave not worthy don't ruin her you don't deserve this you don't deserve ANYTHING why aren't you dead yet why can't you remember how to talk to people Not in words, exactly, but the trickle of conflicted emotion increased in volume.
"You don't understand," he said hoarsely. "I came here to die. I came here so that no one would else end up like Ben--or like me. I came here so I couldn't hurt people like you." He tilted his head. "But I have, haven't I? You don't get it."
He turned, pacing along the wall of the hut, just to have something to do, some distance.
"I'm pushing you away because no good can come of you emulating me. I'm pushing you away because I am the one I can't forgive."