Part of him knew that she was, to some degree, misplacing her energy. She needed to strike out, yes, but this wasn't the grand adventure that called to her. This, whatever it was, was secondary. Maybe lower down than that. The worlds opening up before her now had little to do with paltry, ordinary sexual awakening.
But what did Luke really know of anything like that?
"And yet, being uncomfortable isn't reason enough to push the issue," he sighed. He shook his head, thinking of her optimistic little view of relationships, her offering him advice about what people should or should not have been able to deal with. As if it were so simple, and now, here she was. His head was spinning, the memory of his own body's awakening not entirely dismissed despite his earlier efforts. How could he forget, with her sitting there, blithely arguing he should... what? Give in to a gross violation of the teacher/student pact?
You never even wanted a student, a very irritating part of his brain reminded him.
"It's not exactly been a priority for me, Rey. In my life, there's been little room for... for that sort of connection. There was always something more important going on. And then..."
He fell silent, chin lowering to his chest as he started into his tea.
"I came here, at first, to regroup. To seek some wisdom that had, perhaps, eluded me. Something that could help me turn the tide of darkness. As time went on, as... it became clear I could not, it became more about avoiding the pain I had created. Mine, yes, but not only that. I came here to avoid creating more. And because I knew I did not deserve forgiveness, because I cannot... undo what's been done."
He looked up at her.
"I'd given up expecting anyone to even look. I'd given up the thought of any sort of human connection. Two days ago, I'd have said that, for all intents and purposes, I was already dead."
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But what did Luke really know of anything like that?
"And yet, being uncomfortable isn't reason enough to push the issue," he sighed. He shook his head, thinking of her optimistic little view of relationships, her offering him advice about what people should or should not have been able to deal with. As if it were so simple, and now, here she was. His head was spinning, the memory of his own body's awakening not entirely dismissed despite his earlier efforts. How could he forget, with her sitting there, blithely arguing he should... what? Give in to a gross violation of the teacher/student pact?
You never even wanted a student, a very irritating part of his brain reminded him.
"It's not exactly been a priority for me, Rey. In my life, there's been little room for... for that sort of connection. There was always something more important going on. And then..."
He fell silent, chin lowering to his chest as he started into his tea.
"I came here, at first, to regroup. To seek some wisdom that had, perhaps, eluded me. Something that could help me turn the tide of darkness. As time went on, as... it became clear I could not, it became more about avoiding the pain I had created. Mine, yes, but not only that. I came here to avoid creating more. And because I knew I did not deserve forgiveness, because I cannot... undo what's been done."
He looked up at her.
"I'd given up expecting anyone to even look. I'd given up the thought of any sort of human connection. Two days ago, I'd have said that, for all intents and purposes, I was already dead."